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Beatrice Chestnut

The Complete Enneagram: 27 Paths to Greater Self-Knowledge

Threes and Fours can look similar as they have some characteristics in common. Both Threes and Fours focus their attention on how others perceive them. While Threes pay a great deal of attention to creating an image of success and achievement according to external standards in specific contexts, Fours focus on communicating an image based on their own unique sense of what they think is important to express. In addition to focusing on image, both of these styles also belong to the heart triad and so are oriented at a fundamental level to feelings and emotional connection. But although both Threes and Fours are feelings-based styles, Threes tend to avoid emotion to more easily accomplish tasks and get things done, and Fours tend to feel their emotions more regularly and can even at times overidentify with their own feelings. People of both styles can prioritize relationships and often place importance on approval and recognition. Finally, both Threes and Fours can be intense, creative, hardworking, and competitive.

Significant differences also exist between Threes and Fours. Threes tend to focus their attention on tasks, goals, and work, while Fours place more importance on feelings, self-expression, and emotional connections with others. When Threes focus on tasks, they usually look for the shortest, more efficient, and fastest path to their goal, while Fours favor a more nonlinear, creative, organic approach to self-expression. Threes numb out their feelings to get things done while Fours believe that all feelings should be felt and authentically expressed. Threes pursue goals to achieve success as defined by the context or group, while Fours seek to manifest ideals related to love and emotional depth through creativity, relational connection, and authentic expression as a way of feeling special and unique.

Threes orient themselves to what others define as successful, placing a high degree of value on attaining the material signs of success like nice clothes and nice cars, while Fours put more attention and emphasis on their own internal sense of how they feel and what they value. Threes focus on specific goals and how to reach them. In contrast, Fours focus their attention on what is missing and needed in a given situation. When presenting themselves to others, Threes strive to match the image of whatever other people will think is most attractive or admirable, even if it means conforming to appear as something they’re not (and thus losing sight of who they actually are), while Fours value authentic self-expression. In doing this, Threes identify with an image of success (and an idealized self-image), often appearing genuinely confident and competent. Fours identify with a deficient self-image and usually have the sense that they are flawed in some way. Threes pay attention to competing, winning, and avoiding failure, while Fours focus most on authentic connection, self-expression, and aesthetics. (Although the Sexual Four may be as competitive as a Three, they compete more out of a more emotional sense of trying to prove themselves worthy or superior, which is often motivated by anger or unconscious envy.)

The Enneagram Institute

Misidentifications

Here also, misidentifications are probably the result of confusion over wing versus dominant type: 3w4 and 4w3. The primary difference between these types can be seen in their relationship with their emotional life. Threes tend to focus on task, on efficiency, on performance. Of course, Threes have feelings, but as much as possible, they put them on the backburner whenever there are things to get done—and with many Threes, that is most of the time. As Threes become less healthy, they increasingly see their own feelings as "speed bumps"–annoyances that must be dealt with but which interfere with their effectiveness. Threes want to get their goals accomplished, and then, time permitting, process their feelings.

Fours are almost the exact opposite. Naturally, Fours want to accomplish things too, but when difficult feelings arise, Fours want to stop what they are doing and process them before returning to their tasks. The less healthy the Four, the more he or she will need lots of time to sort through troubling feelings and reactions. Threes can see the Four's preoccupation with sorting feelings as unprofessional and immature. Fours can see the Three's obsession with performance as inauthentic and shallow.

It is far more common for Threes to mistype as Fours than vice versa. This is especially true for Threes who grew up in families in which artistic self-expression was particularly valued. They may mistakenly believe that only Fours are creative, while failing to recognize that there have been many noted artists who are Threes.