12

Beatrice Chestnut

The Complete Enneagram: 27 Paths to Greater Self-Knowledge

Ones and Twos can appear similar because both have sets of rules that they expect others to adhere to, and become upset and reactive when others do not follow those rules. However, on closer examination, Ones have a far more rules and expectations than do Twos, and their expectations cover a wider array of behaviors. For example, Ones often have rules governing work style, work product, how things should be organized, how people should behave in a variety of situations, dress codes that define what is appropriate and inappropriate attire in a variety of circumstances, and more. Twos’ rules are far more focused on interpersonal relationships and how people should treat one another. Although Ones and Twos can both be self-critical and critical of others, most Ones are more consistently self-critical than Twos—and also more overtly judgmental of others. For example, the One’s “inner critic” or judge is activated eighty to ninety percent of the time or more, whereas the Two’s criticism of self and others is less frequent and more activated by highly distressing events like rejection and the perception of having failed others.

Some may confuse Ones and Twos because both are dutiful and want to perceive themselves (and have others view them) as “good” and “responsible.” However, Ones and Twos have very different meanings for these words. Ones believe they are “good” and, therefore, valued, if they do everything right and make few mistakes, and “responsible” means they keep their commitments, do their work well, deliver it on time, and are punctual. Twos believe they are “good” and, therefore, valued, if they are thoughtful, considerate, and selfless, and “responsible” means they are always available when others are in need and they don’t disappoint the people in their lives.

Ones and Twos are markedly different in many ways. For example, Ones speak definitively, offer opinions, judgments, and ideas, and use language that suggests they are evaluating people and situations—for example, Ones use words such as should, ought, right, wrong, and appropriate with great frequency. Twos, by contrast, speak in softer tones, ask questions of others to engage them and draw them into conversation, offer advice frequently, and focus on others in a way that makes people feel important. While Ones can be very warm, they are rarely as consistently warm and empathic as Twos.

A helpful way to understand the distinction between Ones and Twos is that while Ones look internally to determine whether or not they have done a good job or made a mistake, Twos are more highly affected by how others perceive them than by how they view themselves. In other words, Twos have a strong inclination to perceive themselves through the eyes of others rather than having a strong interior sense of how valuable they are and how well they did something. While they may not directly solicit the opinions of others regarding the merit of their work or behavior, Twos pay greater attention to the nonverbal cues and interpersonal behavior of others and are far more affected by their positive and negative reactions.

The Enneagram Institute

Misidentifications

This is not a common mistype, but does occur when a wing is mistaken for the dominant type. In other words, 1w2s can sometimes be confused with 2w1s, but confusion is far less likely with 1w9s (owing to their reserved and relatively unemotional demeanor) and 2w3s (owing to their outgoing, effusive demeanor). Gender can influence this mistyping as well. Women who are 1w2s tend to see themselves as 2w1s, and men who are 2w1s may see themselves as 1w2s.

Both types are serious, and conscience-driven, both like to feel that they are of service, and both can be very altruistic; however, their styles and motivations differ significantly. Ones try to transcend the personal in their dealings, appealing to principles and the evident "rightness" of their positions or suggestions. Twos are highly personal and see their service in personal terms. Ones defend their autonomy–they do not want people to interfere with them. Twos seek close connection and even merging. Ones are restrained in the expression of their positive feelings although they let people know when they are dissatisfied or irritated. Twos may have difficulty with hostile or angry feelings, but they are fairly unrestrained in expressing their positive feelings.