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Beatrice Chestnut

The Complete Enneagram: 27 Paths to Greater Self-Knowledge

Twos and Sixes can look very similar to one another. Both Twos and Sixes can worry and be fearful, but their fears have different sources. Sixes worry about overall safety, bad things happening, and problems occurring, while Twos worry more about whether or not people will perceive them in a positive light, the possibility of being rejected, and the safety of specific individuals who are important to them. Both Twos and Sixes are good at reading people, but they do so with different aims. When applying their attention to others, Sixes look for hidden agendas and ulterior motives, whether someone is trustworthy or not, and potential threats, whereas Twos try to ascertain other people’s moods and needs as a way to connect with them and create rapport. When relating to people generally, Twos tend to be aware of managing their image to please or align with others, while Sixes do not consider their image and how others might be perceiving them as much. In addition, Twos want to be seen and appreciated by other people, while Sixes would often rather hide because being noticed can make them feel vulnerable.

Both Twos and Sixes can worry about what will go wrong and work hard to make things go well—Sixes because they are good troubleshooters and want to anticipate problems before they happen, and Twos because they want to please others and appear competent and attractive. When it comes to making decisions, both Twos and Sixes can have a difficult time deciding. Twos have a hard time making choices because they often don’t know what they need or want. They focus so much attention on other people, that they can be unfamiliar with their own preferences. In contrast, decisions can be challenging for Sixes because they continually doubt themselves and question their potential choices. They may also fear choosing the wrong thing and imagine the negative consequences that might result.

Twos and Sixes also differ in significant ways. Sixes usually feel suspicious of or rebellious toward authority figures, while Twos tend to want to form good relationships with authorities. Twos often want authority figures and other important people to like them, so rather than being mistrustful, they will usually lead with behaviors designed to achieve a positive relationship with authorities if they can. Also, Sixes catastrophize and engage in worst-case scenario thinking much more than Twos do. Twos are usually optimistic, and while they might sometimes imagine that people don’t like them, they usually don’t think in terms of the worst case. Another contrast between Twos and Sixes exists in the way each deals with conflict. Twos would like to avoid conflict most of the time if they can, while Sixes, and especially counterphobic Sixes, can sometimes move toward conflict, especially if they feel motivated to challenge an authority figure who they believe is abusing their power.

Specific commonalities exist between Twos and the Self-Preservation Sixes. Both Twos and Self-Preservation Sixes are warm and focus considerable energy on creating friendships; they try to avoid showing aggression (though they both may do so when reactive). Twos try to attract friends out of a desire to be liked and affirmed, as this provides them with a sense of well-being. In a slightly different way, Self-Preservation Sixes want to create relationships that will serve as alliances to keep themselves safe amid friendly others who can band together against outside threats. Twos are motivated to form friendships by the need to be liked and seen as indispensable, and also so that they will have friends to meet their needs in the same way they meet others’ needs. The Six has a strong need for safety against attack or other kinds of dangers.

The Enneagram Institute

Misidentifications

This is a fairly common mistype because these two types share a number of key traits. Both are warm and engaging and want to be liked–although, more precisely, Sixes want to have the approval and support of others, whereas Twos want to be loved and to be important to others. Both ingratiate themselves with people, although Sixes do so by being playful and silly, by bantering and teasing those they want to elicit an emotional (protective) response from. Average Twos also ingratiate themselves, but more from an implied position of superiority–they are warm and friendly, although the implication is that they are offering their love and friendship, their approval and advice, rather than that they are seeking it from the other, at least at first.

In short, the feeling-tone of both types is completely different: Sixes warily invite selected others into their lives, whereas Twos throw out the net of their feelings with more abandon and see whom they can sweep into the fold. Sixes want to create partnerships with others that will support them in their bid to be more independent, but start to feel anxious if the relationship becomes too merged or "mushy." Twos want to be close with others, and the more intimacy and merging they have with their loved ones, the better.

Both types are emotional, corresponding to the Jungian feeling types–the Two is the extroverted feeling type (PT, 62-63), and the Six, the introverted feeling type (PT, 222-223). Twos "wear their hearts on their sleeves" and are openly warm and demonstrative about how they feel toward others. Sixes, by contrast, are often ambivalent about their feelings, frequently sending ambiguous, mixed signals to other people. As they deteriorate, average to unhealthy Twos become increasingly covert in their dealings with people, ultimately becoming manipulative while concealing their true motives even from themselves. By contrast, average to unhealthy Sixes become wildly reactive (overreacting) and consciously confused about their feelings, ultimately becoming paranoid.

Indeed, Sixes are consciously assailed by anxiety, indecision, and doubts–and they look to trusted others (especially some kind of authority-figure) to reassure them and help them build their confidence and independence. Twos are also sometimes anxious, of course, as all human beings are; however, they are not as indecisive or assailed with doubts, nor do Twos consult an authority figure for answers. On the contrary, as they grow in self-importance, average Twos usually make themselves into authority figures, dispensing advice on all life issues to the people within their spheres of influence. In short, average to unhealthy Twos believe they will only get love by having others depend on them, whereas average to unhealthy Sixes increasingly fear becoming dependent on others, while actually becoming more dependent. At the end of the Continuum, the differences can be seen most starkly between the unhealthy Two's psychosomatic suffering and romantic obsession and the unhealthy Six's paranoia and volatile lashing out. Contrast Twos such as Merv Griffin and Sammy Davis, Jr., with Sixes such as Johnny Carson and Mel Gibson.